Learning in Valencia

Kobe Bryant was once asked whether he loved to win or hated to lose.

His answer surprised people: “I’m neither. I play to figure things out.”

For Kobe, both loving the win and hating the loss introduce fear. They pull your mind into the future - what might happen - instead of anchoring you to what is happening.

His antidote was simple and powerful: Stay “dead center.”

Stay with the action, the sensation, the next decision. Play to learn.

Last weekend at the Valencia Marathon, I was reminded of that lesson in a very real way.

I started. I didn’t finish. And that’s not a loss - it’s data. It’s learning. It’s another step toward mastery of myself.

What Happened

I wasn’t in sub-3 shape, but 4:20/km felt comfortably uncomfortable - good enough for around a 3:05 finish. Unfortunately, a flare of patellar tendonitis made the decision for me. I stepped off the course at 18 km, not because I quit, but because I chose to protect the future.

I chose the center. And in hindsight, the race gave me more clarity than any finish time would have.

What I Learned (and What You Might Too)

1. The marathon is a different sport

Unless you’re running 2:30 or faster, the marathon is less about speed and more about durability. It’s a war of attrition.

Here’s my personal truth: I get joy from the flow of faster running. Sub-4:00/km movement feels natural, playful, and expressive to me. Trading that for the biomechanics of long, slower pounding isn’t where I thrive, and that is a valuable realization.

2. Know when to walk away

There’s no bonus for finishing broken.

Sacrificing the next 8–12 weeks of training for the sake of finishing one tough day is a trade I’ll never make. Stopping wasn’t weakness; it was wisdom.

3. Curiosity beats attachment

When you run a race to "prove something," the pressure suffocates you. But when you run to learn, everything becomes valuable.

• How did the early pace feel?

• What changed physiologically?

• What does this say about where the training was right - or incomplete?

Curiosity protects you from disappointment.

4. The camaraderie is the real finish line

One of the highlights of Valencia wasn’t the course or the weather - it was the people.

The friends who travelled with me. The familiar faces from Ängby Runners and Team Envol. The pre-race coffees, shared nerves, terrible jokes, last-minute gear debates, and the quiet reassurance that comes from being surrounded by people who "get it."

These weekends remind me that the community is as important - often more important - than the race itself. Finishing times fade. Shared experiences don’t.

That, too, is part of staying “dead center”: recognizing that the joy isn’t only in the result, but in the people you share the journey with.

5. Don’t force yourself into someone else’s definition of success

Endurance culture pulls us toward certain distances and specific badges of honor.

But here’s the truth: You don’t have to be a marathoner to be a “real runner.” Your best version of the sport might live at 5K pace, or trail adventure pace, or swimrun pace. Find the format that lights you up.

6. A DNF teaches you something a PB never will

A PB confirms readiness. A DNF reveals blind spots, weak links, and future strategy. Progress lives in the uncomfortable questions.

7. Longevity beats bravado

The athletes who thrive across decades adapt quickly, listen early, and refuse to sacrifice tomorrow for today. Being able to run tomorrow is always more valuable than finishing today.

Final Thought: Stay in the Center

Valencia wasn’t a victory or a defeat. It was a rep in the gym of self-knowledge.

Kobe said he played to “figure things out.” This race helped me figure out a few things about my preferences, my physiology, and how to shape my training going forward. And that, to me, is success.

Whether your last race was a DNF, a PB, or something in between - ask yourself:

• What did I learn?

• And how will I use it?

• That’s where the growth is.

• That’s where the joy is.

And that’s where the next breakthrough begins.